


Abandoned

by isabelpenafiel03



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxious Bill, Bill has panic attacks, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Multi, Panic Attacks, Prostitution, Self-Harm, Self-Worth Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, sad Bill, suicidal ideations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2018-12-06 05:31:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11593941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isabelpenafiel03/pseuds/isabelpenafiel03
Summary: An unexpected visitor arrives, bringing along a whole host of problems.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected visitor arrives, bringing along a whole host of problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewriting all of the chapters, please stick with me! Warning: descriptions of panic attacks, implied starvation, slurs, and implied prostitution

 

Four years have passed since weirdmagedon, though the younger Pines twins were still wary after the events of it.

Now actually recieving wages much to Stan’s chagrin, Dipper and Mabel were working on closing the shop. They work at a steady pace to the rhythm created by Mabel cashing out the register. The calm and efficient work of the twins is interupted by soft knocks at the door.

“We’re closed!” Dipper shouts, effectively through with putting up his well-crafted customer service facade. However, Dipper’s annoyance is met with a quiet pleading voice.

“P-please, I can’t-I can’t- I have no where else I can go,” The voice trails off to a whisper.

Silence falls over the room amplifying the sound of raindrops on the roof soon followed by a loud crack as lightning strikes nearby. Dipper feels his resolve melt as he breaks on of his Grunkle’s few rules;don’t let strangers in after closing. Especially not wet ones. He takes the few strides to the door. Mabel doesn’t protest, if Dipper hadn’t gotten the door she likely would’ve herself. It opens with a creak, revealing a thin blond looking much like a wet cat as he shivered on the porch. His clothes hung off his frame and his cheeks were sunken. From all appearances he was in bad shape; from his badly sized shoes and his freckles, made more pronounced by his sickly, pale skin.

Dipper gestures for him to come in and throws a look behind himself. Mabel makes eye contact and nod, returning a moment later with towels. She gives the small boy a push onto the couch and begins assisting him in removing clothing when he begins to shake more violently and pulls away. Mabel gives him a sympathetic look and gives him directions to the bathroom, to which he nods and makes his way over with one of the many provided towels. 

"Go set up a cot," Mabel says, not moving her eyes from the puddle left by their unexpected visitor. Dipper nods and silently goes upstairs, leaving Mabel to mop up the water left behind.

<<<

 

After what seems like much too long to have simply dried off a bit, their guest wanders back into the living room. For the first time since his arrival, Mabel looks a bit closer at his appearance. His left eye is blue but the right appears to be a goldish color, he is now wearing only a loose white button up shirt and black boxers which makes it apparent how thin he really is. Mabel grabs his hand, wincing at how cold it is. She grabs a blanket and drapes it across his shoulders then tugs him towards their kitchen, where she sits him in an old wooden chair.

“What do you want to eat?”

He shrugs and slumps forward a bit, slowly losing consiousness.

“Doessn’t matter much Sshootin’ sstar,” Bill slurs, finally losing his battle against sleep.

Mabel sighs and lifts Bill gently. She takes him to their room in the attic and sets him on the cot, when she hears the water running.

“Dip-dop?”

“Yeah?”

“What’re you doing?”

“Running a bath,”

“Well, he’s passed out. But I think we need to talk about who he is.”

“Huh? You figure it out?”

“I hope not. He called me shooting star”

>>>

Suddenly it felt as if all the air in the room had disappeared, Dipper scrunches his face and opens his mouth as if he has something to say, but instead he turns around and returns to the bathroom shutting the door in a way that screams defiance but still manages to be quiet enough not to wake Bill. Mabel looks at him with pity, once all powerful and a danger to not only their dimention but many; now he only threatened his own safety. He was weak even by human standards.

Mabel leaves the room deciding to let Bill sleep, she’d get him to eat tomorrow.

Luckily Mabel managed to smooth out the situation with her Grunkles by the next morning because soon Bill was stumbling downstairs. Mabel smiles at him hoping he fails to notice the glares he’s getting. However, in that aspect she’s not as lucky and Bill lowers his eyes, even though he still seems to be trying to sport a smirk that looks rather weak. Bill takes his seat next to Mabel, sitting in an odd position that appeared as if he were in a crowded train trying not to touch anyone. To no one’s surprise, he perked up quite a bit when eggs were set on his plate.

To say he ate like a starving man wouldn’t be an exaggeration as much as a statement of fact.

 

Dipper leans towards Bill as Mabel makes a joke about his physiche and pokes at his ribs; unfourtunately this leads to Dipper’s chair tipping and him falling on Bill who in turn lets out a snarl, baring his long canines and curling in on himself allowing Dipper to fall with a thud. This earns him a smack on the back of his head from Ford, to which he wimpers. Mabel glares at Ford as she helps Dipper up off of the floor.

“Hey, Grunkle Ford?” Mabel says in a manner that is somewhat threatening and very un-like Mabel.

“Yeah Mabel?” Ford responds either not noticing or not agknowleging Mabel’s tone. Mabel gestures to the other room with a tilt of her head and gets up knowing Ford will follow. She waits a moment for Ford to catch up and glares while he does.

“What was so important you needed me over here for?”

“I know you aren’t happy with this situation but I think something bad happened to Bill. He’s acting like a cornered animal and is obviously scared. Hitting him won’t help with that,” Mabel whispers.

Dipper steps in the room nodding.

“I agree, he doesn’t seem like a threat. He’s like a scared kitten,”

“Don’t you remember he tried to kill us all? Why should we give him the benifit of the doubt after all of that?” Ford says, now raising his voice slightly.

“Because we’re better than him. If we don’t give him the compassion he failed to give us we’d be right on his level,” Mabel whisper-yells as she steps closer to Ford. Ford only nods and returns to the kitchen where he starts putting away dishes.

Dipper looks Mabel in the eye for a moment and also returns to the kitchen where even Bill is helping the best he can. 

 After all the dishes are done, they all go their separate ways. 

After a few moments Dipper gets bored of the tv and decides to get a book from his room in the attic. He jogs up the stairs and opens the door hastily, revealing a zoned-out Bill sitting on the floor. Dipper tries to get his attention by calling his name but he seems deep in thought. He crouches down and sets a hand on Bill’s shoulder which Bill responds by pulling away as if he was burnt. Bill pulls an odd face, consisting of bared teeth and furrowed brows.

“Hey! I’m just trying to help!” Dipper shouts with a scowl.

In response Bill only croaks back, “NO! No, no, no, no...” as he curls into himself and begins hyperventilating. “P-please, no. Not-not again.”

“Bill? Bill, it’s Dipper. You’re okay,it’s okay. I won’t touch you if you don’t want. Okay?” Dipper whispers softly. Bill stops shouting but continues breathing raggedly and keeps a tight grip on his knees. “Breathe, breath with me Bill,” Dipper says quietly as he takes deep breaths. Bill follows his lead with shaky breaths as he lets go of his knees and faces Dipper. Desperation is written all over his teary face.

Once his breathing returns to normal he turns to Dipper once more, “Please don’t mention this to anyone Pine tree. They think I’m pathetic as is,”

Dipper nods in silent agreement but doesn’t move from his spot, Bill doesn’t mention it. Neither of them say anyting, they just sit in a comfortable silence.

Bill stands up slowly and Dipper follows suit.

“What’re you doing? You just had a full on panic attack, don’t you think you should rest?” Dipper demands. Bill sways slightly on his shaky legs.

“I left something somewhere.” He mumbles opening the triagular window modelled after his previous form. Dipper can only gape at the idiocy and self destructive tendencies of the former dream demon for a moment until he comes to his senses again.

“I can’t stop you, but I’m coming with you.” Dipper says in the most authoritative tone he can muster. Bill feels a shiver go down his spine but instead of protesting he pulls a confident smile.

“If you think you can handle it Pine tree,” He says stepping on the Pines night stand to reach the window. 

 

Bill hops off the ledge hitting the ground with a thump. He quickly pulls himself up and begins running, Dipper spints after him barely keeping up. They slowly end up in shadier and shadier parts of town until they reach a place known for having a high population of vagrants. That’s when it starts, people begin shouting.

“Fuckin’ queer!”

“Hey Cipher! Get back here you whore!”

“You owe me asshole! Get back here you little shit!”

“Bill, why are they shouting?” Dipper whispers.

“Oh, ya’ know how neighbors are,” Bill chuckles, but his voice cracks.

They turn a corner into a particular shitty alley that happens to be partially covered by a very ragged awning. Bill begins rearranging crates until he pulls out a small yellowish canvas bag.

“Got it!” He yells. “Let’s go now, before we get mugged or propositioned.”

 

The journey home seems to go faster even though they walk this time. The soon arrive to Ford on the porch with a large, alien looking gun looking angry.

“What was so urgent you had to use the window?” He shouts.

“I, um-I got my things,” Bill mumbles holding up his bag.

“What’s in the bag?”

“A thin jacket, twenty bucks, underwear, bandaids, pants and uh, a toothbrush.” He says as he pulls out each item.

“Why’d you need it now? Sentimental value?”

“I guess...” Bill mutters looking at his feet. Ford looks at him somewhat amused, Stan appears almost sad, and Mabel is on the verge of tears but restrains herself from throwing herself at him for a hug. Dipper places a hand on Bill’s shoulder protectively and glares at Ford.

“Here, I’ve got it.” He says softly as he holds out a hand to grab Bill’s bag, he reluctantly hands it over. “Follow me,” Dipper says as he pushes past Ford and leads him up to the attic again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, let me know what you think and any suggestions for plot points grammar, songs to listen to while writing this, etc. Hope you enjoyed. :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill is a bit more... Bill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shit quality, I'm feeling a bit weird and projected some. Enjoy....? I guess?

**Bill's POV**

Pine tree treats me as if I'm going to fall apart at any moment. He carefully leads me up the stairs, keeping a hand on my elbow but otherwise keeping his distance. He seems torn between not wanting me to just collapse and not wanting to touch me. But can I blame him? Not after being such a filthy whore, but how would he know? I was probably so obvious, so obvious he knows. He knows. He knows everything. What if he told Shooting star, and Stan? Oh Axolotl, what if he told Sixer and he's going to give me the boot?

My chest grows tight at the thought of being forced to my knees in alleyways dirtier than the inside of a boot. The thud when my knees hit the pavement, scraping on the gravel, the heavy panting as they forced my head and all I could do is let them use my mouth and hope they paid so I could eat. I remember prying myself off the pavement, ignoring the cash thrown my way in favor of tracing the patterns made of indentations on my knees. No one ever acknowledged me afterwards, it's the kind of thing you brush off as rudeness until you realize it's you. You're worthless in any other context than a hole to be fucked. My breathing is fast and labored but I'm determined, I need to stay here. I need to earn a spot, at least here I know Pine tree won't do the things they did. I won't have to wake up with a ring of bruises around my throat, no it'll be better. It'll be so much better. I’ll be better.

We reach the top of the stairs and my knees feel weak, but I know. This is all I'm good for. I drop to my knees and start fiddling with the button on Pine tree's pants. He grabs my hand and looks at me with furrowed brows.

"Bill?" He asks, obviously disgusted with what I've done. I try to keep my composure but fat tears roll down my cheeks as pathetic whimpers leave my throat. Pine tree goes to set a hand on my shoulder. Oh no, oh no, oh no. He's just like the others, I messed up and he's going to punish me. I begin sobbing as I throw myself backwards crawling into a bookshelf which I sit against in the fetal position. Punishment is inevitable, I can't avoid it and trying only makes it worse. I release my grip on my knees and begin begging.

"Plea-please. Please let me sta-stay. Please, I'll d-do any-anything." I sob like a worthless whore. I begin clawing at the insides of my wrists and sob even harder, each sob hurts as it rattles around my chest.

"Bill-" Here it comes, an eviction notice and punishment. I've really fucking done it. "-why would I make you leave?" Pine tree whispers, grabbing my hands so I don't further mutilate the soft flesh of my inner arms.

"Becau-because of all the-the disgust-disgusting st-stuff I did. I've stooped so low, I was never worthy of my-my power," I mutter. Pine tree pulls a small white box from under his bed as he listens. He pulls out cotton balls and begins lightly cleaning my wounds.

"Bill, whatever you had to do to survive, it's okay. It's okay,"

"N-no! You do-don't understand!"

"Then help me to," He says wrapping my arms in bandages.

"I-I was a....um...I was a whore,"

"If you hadn't sold yourself would you have been able to eat?" Pine tree asks softly, wiping my tears with his thumbs as he gently cups my face. I shake my head slightly.

"B-But-!"

"No, you needed to. Your survival instincts kicked in, but now you're safe and you don't need to do that ever again,"

"I hate freeloading like this..."

"Don't worry, Stan will start taking advantage of you soon enough. For now, you need to rest," Pine tree says as he gently releases my wrists.

 

**Dipper's POV**

Once Bill's head hit the pillow he was out almost instantly. It'll probably fuck up his sleep schedule but after him freaking out, a nap is completely necessary. I carefully tread downstairs where my family has gathered, likely having heard the majority of Bill's breakdown. Mabel looks ready to cry herself, Stan appears to feel guilty and sad but his expressions are muted as he tries to hide his reaction. Ford looks ready to puke and even at a glance you can see the guilt eating at him.

"He, um. He got really fucked up before coming here. You should probably sit. We need a plan." I mutter. They all herd into the living room and sit in a semi-circle on the floor. "You probably have an idea of what happened, but we should make some rules and then maybe talk to Bill once he feels somewhat better."

"He's not eating properly, we should deal with that first!" Mabel whisper-shouts.

"And then, um the self harm." I say softly, kinda hoping no one will hear me.

"When did that happen?" Ford asks, his voice quavering.

“Uh, during his breakdown,” I say. “Speaking of which, I think I know what happened,”

The room goes quiet as everyone waits for me to continue.

“He ran out of food and options and had to go into prostitution. He only came here because the abuse was too much.”

They all appear horrified as Bill’s actions begin to make sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'd be really rad if you all let me know what you think, if you want more, and if there's a name for the weird feeling I gave Bill, I'm curious. Thanks for reading, I'm a slut for kudos.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a part where it gets a bit graphic, there are self harm behaviors, and delusions in this chapter. Sorry this chapter is both short and late. I've had some stuff going on and I meant to get to it sooner. The ending to this chapter is somewhat open and I don't know what I want to do yet, please let me know what you'd prefer!

As he wakes up he feels the familiar feeling of possession; it’s as if he’s a step behind his body. Instead of feeling the slight drain of power and slight awkwardness of possession though he felt as if he were wrapped in cotton and his body feels more than awkward, it feels wrong. He sits up and places his hand over his right eye to ease the headache of trying to process three dimensions. He wobbles as he gets up to go to the bathroom, he has so many joints. Spines really were complicated things. He frowns, trying to concentrate on making it all the way to the bathroom. Bill really detested humans and their bodily functions, he always had to pee.

Soon he regretted uncovering his eye to use his arm for balance. He runs as best as he can, barely making it to the bathroom in time. Bill loses his stomach contents to the porcelin bowl and shudders as he realizes how disgusting the body he has is. It’s gross, so gross. He flushes the bowl and nearly rips his clothing off. He turns on the faucet, watching the water slosh around the tub. He remembers Dipper saying something about adjusting the tempurature and how he should take his time finding the right temperature. Bill slips his hand under the water, it’s boiling but he does nothing to change this. Suddenly he’s far to aware of how quickly his body is decaying and how many colors there are. And god, everything is much too dimensional. He gets in the shower and feels the hot water streaming down his back.

He closes his eyes and feels calmer, the sting of the water and ignoring his vision calms him. It’s not a permanent fix though. There is only one way to fix it for good. His eye.

**_Get rid of it._ **

He had to. Even if it wasn’t completly removed he didn’t want to have to deal with so much.

He washes quickly to the best of his ability and then towels off. This has to work, right?

He dresses himself and walks down the stairs, hand over eye. Dipper looks over sadly but seemingly confused. Bill attempts a smile to calm him. Bill knows how much better it was to feel calm. He knows how calm they’ll all be as soon as he gets rid of it. Dipper still looks uneasy but smiles back anyway. Dipper returns to his book and Bill slips a kitchen knife into his pocket. 

When Bill smiled it seemed soothed but unhinged. Dipper however wants to give Bill space and allows him to slip out of the kitchen unaware of the knife missing from the block. Dipper lets himself become absorbed in his book, trying not to worry about the broken former demon. He has enough to worry as his, he thinks justifying his neglect of his unofficial duty. 

 Bill treks into the forest he was once king of. With each step he grows lighter.

**_Soon._ **

Bill stumbles deeper and deeper, trembling in excitement. THIS. This was the answer, it has to be. He would feel so much better as soon as he felt the knife pass the cornea and into the eye itself. His hands shake as he thinks about his plan. Maybe it is the answer to all of his problems, he goes even as far to think this is why he was turned human. He just had to solve the puzzle and he'd be home free, powers and all. 

Bill grins, feeling his lips slide over his fangs. That was the one thing he'd miss, mouths are very handy.

Mabel bounds down the stairs and slams her huge summer scrapbook on the table in front of Dipper. 

"Hey Bro-bro! You seen Bill?" She shouts with a wide smile.

"Just a minute ago, I don't know where he went though." Dipper mumbles, only half paying attention. 

"Well, I'll just settle for you then! I need your opinion on which pictures I should use." Mabel says, practically bouncing in place. "Then I want to get a picture with all of us in it!"

"Okay, I'll help." Dipper  chuckles getting up from his seat.

The Pine twins end up in a small spat over choosing between how many photos should be funny and how many should be more serious but are interrupted by Ford.

"Do you two know where Bill is? I think it's best we keep an eye on him. He may get some ideas if we don't."

"He might be outside." Mabel offers.

"Thank you." Ford mutters, patting her head. Ford walks out to the porch and sees the clumsy foot prints undoubtedly left by Bill Cipher. He begins following the crooked footsteps that sway side to side. He trudges through the forest, annoyed and distrustful. 

Bill wanted to take over and destroy the world, why would being human stop that. Even if he isn't planning world domination, Ford feels it's rather bothersome to have to walk a mile to check on the brat. Lost in thought, Ford nearly misses the end of the foot steps. 

In the middle of a small clearing stands Bill, oddly still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know if I should have Bill go through with it or have Ford show up in time!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After reading the comments and doing a lot of research that makes my search history look really concerning, I've decided where to go next with this. Thank you so much to everyone who let me know what they wanted to see! The warnings for this chapter are as follows: mild gore, detailed descriptions of pain, delusions, mental illness and, self harm

Ford crept closer to the shadowy figure of Bill Cipher. Still wary of the former demon he was careful not to make a sound. His footsteps padded softly and Bill seemed not to notice, until Ford made a small mistake and his foot slipped. Had he known he'd be creeping up on the demon, he wouldn't have put on the heavy boots he always wore.

**CRACK**

A twig snapped under his boot and Ford winced, who knew how Bill'd react. He really expected anything besides what happened though. Bill's head whipped around, his right eye clamped shut but oozing blood. Bill's face contorted with pain and he fell to his knees. Tears began to freely flow from his open eye and he opened his mouth as if to scream. However, he didn't make a sound. His mouth simply remained gaping as he panted slightly, his good eye squeezing shut. His jaw opened and shut slightly, looking like a fish out of water. He gargled slightly, the loudest noises he was able to make still a whisper. His mouth foamed slightly and the corners of his mouth turned up slightly. Bill began wheezing and snorting, drool falling from his lips as his horrible "laughter" got louder.

Soon, his voice returned to normal volume.

"I DID IT! It's flat, it's all flat. I can see!!" Bill screeched, pulling Ford from his shock. 

"Bill, what did you do?" Ford whispered, approaching Bill as one might a rabid animal. 

"All I need to do now is to get rid of the color!" Bill squealed, still sitting in the dirt as he squirmed a bit with joy.

"Bill, can I see what you did?" Ford said softly, quickening his pace slightly and reaching out a hand. 

"NO! You'll try to fix it!! Then I'll be dizzy again! And I'll feel wrong, and it won't be okay. As soon as I get rid of it it'll all be okay, it promised, it promised, it promised!" Bill yells, curling into a small ball and rocking slightly as he begins his new mantra "I had to, it promised, I had to, it promised, I had to, it promised...." 

"No, I won't fix anything. I just want to make sure it won't get infected. Where's what you used to do this?" Ford whispered looking around the nearby area. Bill slipped a knife out from under his thigh. Ford slowly and gingerly grasped the knife, taking it from Bill's hand. Ford gently wrapped an arm around Bill's small, fragile body. He felt as if he were holding a live wire. His entire frame shook and his smile shrunk a bit into a small satisfied one. 

"Did I do good Will? I know I did, right? I-I didn't fuck things up again right?" Bill whispered, his voice cracking and tears slipping from his good idea once again. 

"No-no, you did good Bill." 

They sat there, surrounded by trees until it began to grow dark. Ford went to get Bill's attention, only to find he was asleep. Not wanting to wake the young boy, Ford gently lifted Bill onto his back and began the long trek to the shack. Surely questions would be raised, but at the time Ford was only focused on getting Bill safely to bed. 

The shack finally came into view and Ford was greeted by a friendly face. Stan sat on the porch, nearly asleep. 

"What took so long?" Stan barked, voice thick with worry. He paused however when he noticed the pale boy on Ford's back, face half covered in blood. 

"It didn't go as planned." Ford says bluntly, walking past Stan. 

He walked quickly up the attic stairs and into the Pines twins' room and lay Bill in Dipper's bed, knowing he was fond of the taller boy. Bill immediately wrapped himself around Dipper, quickly falling deep into sleep.  

It hit Ford in that moment, even with his vast array of skills he could not care for Bill. He couldn't fix him, they had to do something, to find someone.

Ford didn't sleep that night, instead he spent it on the internet finding anything he could on Bill's condition. He started in demon lore, but found nothing. Demons just didn't fall apart like that. That's when it hit him, Bill wasn't a demon anymore. He was human. 

With this realization he quickly found an explanation, he knew he'd sound crazy when he told Stan and that Bill would definitely resist as well. He had to do something though, if he didn't he didn't know what would happen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only really recently began writing this with a diagnosis in mind so the later chapters are really the best indicator of what it would be but I'd love to see what you all think it is. And if you think it's fitting for Bill's character.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford has a plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long!! I wanted to get a longer chapter up but this is all I wrote. Trigger warnings, food mentions, eating disorder behavior, depression, hospitals, mental hospitals. Please let me know if I missed any or there's anything else I should tag! Enjoy.

The next morning Ford goes up early and cautiously wakes Mabel then Dipper. He quietly guides them downstairs without waking Bill or explaining. Mabel sits fidgeting in her chair, feeling the tension in the air. Dipper sits slowly, eyes carefully flitting around the room like a rabbit still cautious in times of perceived calm. Ford sighs and sits, rubbing his bloodshot eyes, his own stress consuming him.

"Something's wrong with Bill. Something I-I don't know how to fix." Ford mutters after a moment of silence. Everyone in the room stares at Ford as if trying to see what he is going to say before he says it before Dipper breaks the silence.

"He's hurt?!" Dipper whispers frantically.

"I think he needs help. He's not in a good place, mentally..." Ford murmurs hesitantly.

"Well, we can just help him here! We can give him extra hugs and hide the knives!" Mabel nearly shouts scrambling to find any reason to let Bill stay.

"Mabel, you know that isn't how these things work. If you broke a bone we'd take you to the hospital to have it set, then they send you home with tools to help you finish healing it. That's what Bill needs, he needs his bone set." Ford says softly, setting his hand on Mabel's. Mabel nods and looks away.

"Ford don't you think that's a bit rash? The boy seemed okay earlier." Stan asks quietly as he steps forwards slightly.

"Stan, he's stabbed himself then collapsed into a dissociative state. He didn't even recognize me." Ford whispers with clear bite to his words, Stan steps back.

"But how will we get him there?" 

"That's why I asked you all to come down here. Dipper, I need you to distract him while Mabel packs his things. Then we'll tell him we're going to the hospital for his eye, he'll figure it out eventually but I'm sure he'll forgive us..."

Everyone exchanges glances, clearing any confusion and hesitance rather quickly. Stan hurries to the stove and begins preparing breakfast as Mabel and Dipper rush upstairs. Ford leans on his hands, struggling to stay upright.

"Hey Pointdexter, maybe go sit on the couch for now. You know, so you won't get in the way." Stan says, his voice softening slightly, "Don't worry though, you won't miss out on Stancakes. I'll call you in for breakfast." Stan boasts as he shoots a wink in his brother's direction. Ford smiles and makes his way to the living room, dragging his feet.

 

>>>

 

Dipper lightly shakes Bill and watches the former demon turn over, revealing his swollen, bloody, and bruised right eye. Dipper nearly jumps back in fear but stays rigid, not wanting to make Bill feel worse. Bill sits up slowly and rubs his head. 

"Hey, Pine tree," He says hoarsely.

"Hey, Bill. We're going to eat soon so you should come down..." Dipper whispers, awkwardly smiling. Bill gets a sudden look of determination.

"Yeah." He says, more to himself than anyone. Bill pushes himself and stands with a slight wobble "Let's go."

Bill keeps a death grip on Dipper's arm as they go down the stairs. He takes each step slowly and nearly falls several times.

Once they're downstairs Bill sits looking a bit green and unstable but relieved. Stan sets a small portion of Bill's plate and he looks close to puking but he begins taking small bites anyways. Ford sits in his chair slowly and looks at Bill with clear sadness behind his eyes.

"Bill, we should go to the hospital. It'd be good to get your eye checked out so you don't get an infection. Don't worry, nothing invasive. We should just make sure we can keep it clean."

"Yeah, okay. I-I just can't handle seeing so much. It's too much." Bill whispers putting his hands over his ears and squeezing shut his eyes.

"I understand. Don't worry, you'll probably get an eye patch even." Ford says as he gently sets a hand on Bill's shoulder. Bill flinches violently, his eyes wide and feral. No one mentions it as they continue to eat breakfast. No one mentions that Bill has barely eaten either. 

 

<<<

 

**Bill's POV**

I don't eat much. My stomach lurches with each bit I do eat though. Today is one of those days, I can feel it in the sluggishness in my steps, and the slight tilting feeling that makes me sway slightly. It's a quiet day, words are just too much. Ford prods me into going to the hospital and I agree, I need a bit of time away anyways. 

Dipper practically drags me to the car but I allow myself to be. Yesterday was completely draining, I can barely remember any of it. I sit in the car and pray Stan isn't driving, it would only make my nausea worse. Luckily Ford sits in the drivers seat and I relax slightly. Ford carefully adjusts the mirror and clears his throat before lightly stepping on the gas. I look out the window and watch the town slowly fade away as we got further and further from the shack. The car has a slight back and forth motion, enough to slowly lull me to sleep but not to make my stomach feel worse. As if acknowledging this thought my stomach growls, I ignore it and continue to drift off. 

>>>

 

Once Bill falls asleep it seems everyone finally exhales fully. The tension in the car almost completely dissolves as Dipper and Mabel begin quietly chatting away about road games and Stan turns on the radio. Ford keeps a tight grip on the wheel though, he was dreading having to tell Bill he was going to be evaluated. Ford is fully aware that given their history he should be the one telling Bill, he couldn't even claim Bill had changed. During Weirdmageddon Bill had been chaotic, unsympathetic, and manipulative. But before he had been chaotic, sure, but also oddly innocent for an all-seeing, all-knowing dream demon. He was almost the same, but now you could see the cracks and chips.

Ford pulls the car into the hospital parking lot and goes in alone. He quickly explains what they're there for to the nurse at the front desk and begins filling out the forms she gave him. It takes some fudging but he fills them out rather quickly considering Bill isn't technically a real person. He hands the papers back and goes back to the car. 

"Dipper, can you please wake him?" Ford whispers, Dipper quickly complies giving Bill a shake. Bill blinks several times and rubs his eyes, Dipper leads him to the hospital and then they, Mabel, and Stan sit in the chair as Ford paces waiting for their names to be called.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if there's anything I need to fix and what diagnosis you think Bill will receive. Also open to suggestions for the plot and story elements!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill goes to the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to mention I personally am not bipolar and only know what I have read. Please let me know if my portrayal of Bipolar disorder is inaccurate so I can fix it! I have also never been hospitalized for psychiatric reasons and do not know the exact protocol. This chapter is rather short, apologizes. This chapter has hospitals, blood and mentions of gore. It also mentions past prostitution but only very vaguely. I hope you enjoy. :)

"Bill Pines?" The woman at the desk calls out. The Pines family stands almost simultaneously as they usher Bill into the room they're directed to. 

A shorter woman in a lab coat enters as she pulls on her gloves with a snap. 

"Bill, can I have you sit down please?" She instructs as she  grabs cotton balls and a bottle of disinfectant. She begins swabbing the area around his eye as Bill squirms, trying to keep still. "I just need to do one more thing before you're set. Please lean back." The doctor then produces eye drops, she then uses to flush out Bills injured eye. She then carefully applies a bandage on Bill's eye and tapes it down. "You should be good, just change the bandages once a day." The doctors says with a nod.

"Bill, before we leave we need to do one last thing. Okay?" Ford says delicately. Bill nods and looks to the doctor one last time. Ford pulls him to the nurse's desk and fills out more paper work. Before long he is being led once again to a small office. 

"We want to help make you feel better. You just need to have a conversation with this doctor...and try to avoid anything paranormal..."  Ford explains before letting go of Bill's sleeve and backing away slightly.

"Yeah, okay. I will." Bill whispers as he swallows his fears. 

The office is small and covered in knick knacks but strangely inviting. It was as if the person inside was waiting for this very moment for years instead of moments.

"Please, sit." The tall but thin man in front of Bill says, his voice oddly soft. The velvety quality of the man's voice immediately sets Bill on edge. Most people would calm with such a delicate tone, but Bill knows this voice, he's used this voice. It's not completely genuine. Bill sits in the chair behind him awkwardly and begins panicking.

He's not safe. No, he needs to leave. It's **dangerous**. The voices whisper to Bill, he needs to get rid of that eye. He didn't get rid of it completely. His vision is better but that damn eye is still poisoning him. The doctor _knows_.

"Bill, can you tell me what you're so stressed about?" The man whispers.

"I-I the eye, bad. I um, I need to go." Bill sputters, his thoughts unorganized and his mouth refusing to cooperate. 

"Bill, slow down. Is that how you injured your eye?" 

"Um....yes...I...I...had to get rid...it was too much..." Bill whispers gripping his head as he remembers all the colors and depth. It was too much. 

"Bill, do you want help making your mind quiet? It seems like you can't keep up..." 

"Yes...I just want to...sleep.." Bill mutters gesticulating wildly. "I need to stop, I can't think straight. It's my eye. It doesn't belong." 

"Well, Bill I think I know what's going on. However, I need you to stay for a while so we can fix it."

"Okay..." 

 

>>>

 

"Ford Pines, you're Bill's guardian. Correct?" 

"Yes, do you think you can help?" 

"It's a rather extreme case but I believe Bill has Bipolar 1 with psychotic features. He seems to have delusions about needing to get rid of his eye. I can't formally diagnose him yet but I think this is what's wrong and that he's currently having a manic episode." The man mutters, clicking his pen.

"So what's going to be our course of action...?" Ford says hesitantly.

"We'll likely keep him here for observation, then we can try some medications and make sure he stays safe." Ford nods.

"Of course, with medications there are risks. Finding the correct medicines and dosages can be tricky so I think it would be best if he stays a week to see if the mania subsides and possibly try one medication. If he adjusts well he can be sent home but I need you to find a psychiatrist willing to speak to him, medications are most effective when used with counselling and they can assist if any other medication changes are needed."

"That...sounds extreme...Bill only recently moved in with us and his situation is complicated..." Ford mutters.

"His brain likely isn't producing chemicals as it should and medication will correct that. However, he also seems panicked and I believe he has deep trauma. The measures are only extreme because his condition is. " The doctor reassures Ford. "Nothing will happen without your consent but I don't recommend you take him home in this state, at the very least he needs to stay for forty eight hours to make sure he doesn't harm himself."

"Okay, I need some time to talk to my brother though..." Ford says, spinning on his heel to explain what the doctor told him to his brother.

"What'd the doc say?" Stan asks. Ford tugs him by his sleeve away from the younger twins.

"He thinks Bill is Bipolar and wants him to stay for a week to be put on medication."

"The kid does seem to need help but I can't be the only one worried he'll spill about magic n' shit." Stan grumbles.

"I asked him not to, even in this state I'm sure he knows not to. On top of that, I think a lot of his problems are from when he was homeless and  _human_."

"You got a point...I say we do it, I don't think we can handle his mania and I don't want the twins to have to see him bleeding like that again..." 

Ford nods, taking his brother's hand for a moment before dropping it as they both walked back to the doctor.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill's first day in the mental hospital, and a slight respite from his own mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be mentions of the previous incident that ended in him at the hospital so there are mentions of blood and auditory hallucinations in this chapter. Let me know if I need to tag anything, or if you have any suggestions! Hope you enjoy this chapter, it's a bit shorter.

After being advised of several rules meant to keep the patients safe, Bill is taken to an empty room to change. He slowly strips his damp and bloody clothes and pulls on the hospital gown. Bill foregoes the provided socks and allows the pain of the cold tiles under his toes to ground him. His entire world is rapidly shifting and he can barely hold on. He exits the room and a nurse comes to lead him to the room he'll be staying in. Bill simply nods along  as he feels himself dissociating.

'How did this even happen?' He thinks as he thinks back to before the hospital visit. The last thing he remembers is being dizzy and overwhelmed, he couldn't see. The memories come back in flashes, only stopping when he's picked up the knife. Without his consent, Bill's hand slowly makes it's way up to his face and ghosts over the gauze. The slight pressure makes him wince. He finds himself in a large, rounded room with tall windows that allow rays of sun to dance along the floor from through the trees. Bill goes on autopilot, wandering off after the nurse gestures for him to go. Bill sits at a small table, his eyes scanning a chess game that hadn't been picked up by whoever had last played. He rearranges the pieces to their starting places and a girl sits across from him.

"Hey, I'm Julie! You new here?" The excitable teen whisper-shouts.

"Um, yeah actually. How did you know?" Bill mumbles as he continues to shuffle around the chess pieces.

"Oh, well. You seem nervous and kinda....out of it..." Julie mumbles, trailing off. She leans back in her chair, balancing on its back legs.

"Out of it?" Bill mutters to himself with furrowed brows, not expecting a response. Bill pulls away from the chess board and looked up at Julie, finally noticing her round brown, almost black eyes. He realizes at that moment he had been avoiding eye contact.

"Yeah, like kinda unattached from everything. That's common, this place isn't usually where you get sent for voluntary holds. Usually it's because of an incident that you end up here. So, seeing the new people just kinda going through the motions is common." Julie says, shrugging as she allows the front legs of the chair to fall with a clatter.

"Oh." Bill says quietly. He fidgets with his hands under the table and once again breaks eye contact in favor of looking at his feet.

"That said, mind if I play with you? I'm pretty bad but I like to play time to time." Julie says almost yelling. She leans forward in her seat, as if enamored with him.

"Not at all." Bill whispers, feeling slightly more grounded. The girl seemed to say whatever was on her mind and didn't seem phased by his odd behavior. Julie immediately made a blunder, but Bill ignored it hoping to allow the game to last a bit longer. They played until it got dark and the nurses ushered them back to their rooms to sleep.

  
Bill burrows into the scratchy blankets, the lack of distraction allowing his mind to finally wander back to the blood on his hands, screaming at Ford and scratching at his arms as he held him. Bill shudders and sinks further into the bed trying to will away the thoughts . He succeeded, only to have the thoughts replaced by whispers.

_"You have to kill the girl."_  
_"She's a spy!"_  
_"She's no good."_  
_"What if you got out of here?"_  
_"If you died you'd go back to your original self. But only if you do it now"_

"Shut up. Shut up." Bill whispers, curling in on himself as he covers his ears with the single pillow he's allowed. Bill's breathing becomes heavy and he pants, air escaping his lungs faster than he can gulp it down.

"I'm fine. It's fine. Just gotta breathe." He whispers in an attempt to self soothe. He sits up and pulls the blanket around his shoulders. He rocks slightly and grips the blanket tightly as the voices continue to bombard him.

_"Worthless."_  
_"What are you doing here? You're a god, you're better than these people."_  
_"The angels are coming for you, you need to run. You need to go, they'll EXTERMINATE you."_  
_"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!"_  
_"GET OUT"_

"No, you get out. Get out of my fucking head." Bill whispers as tears find their way down his freckled cheeks. His blonde hair flops in front of his ruined eye as he sobs quietly.

He allows himself fitful rest, and tosses and turns throughout the night as the voices continue to plague him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of this chapter!


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